Top 40 Reality TV Women in Bikinis

The world has been taken over by reality television. I'll admit, I watch my fair share of (fake) reality garbage. Most of the time, it's for the eye candy.  Some shows, The Hills for instance, are a dentist's dream.  With Labor Day behind us, football season upon us and bikinis non-existent (in Michigan) until May of 2011, Sunny D has composed our Top 40 postseason rankings - the forty best looking reality television chicks - in bikinis.

40.  SNOOKI - Fine, we got off to a bad start.  But hey, Vinny has no problem with this grenade during season two...

39.  KATE GOSSELIN - Say what?  This annoying broad?  Yes.  Deal with it.

38.  TRISTA (REHN) SUTTER - She put The Bachelor and The Bachelorette on the map.

37. ELISABETH HASSELBECK - Before becoming a conservative loudmouth on The View, Liz (yeah, Liz) got her start on Survivor: The Australian Outback.  Believe it or not, she's actually only 33 years old.

36.  KATHARINE MCPHEE - She was on American Idol, not Vietnamese Idol, but I wouldn't mind seeing her version of Bad Romance.

35.  KENDRA WILKINSON - I'm not sure if her career highlight is The Girls Next Door with Hugh Hefner, Kendra with herself or her husband (Hank Baskett) muffing the onside kick for the Colts in last year's Super Bowl.  My vote is for option (d)...her boobs.

34.  CHRISSY SCHWARTZ - MTV's Newport Harbor was The Hills Light...and Chrissy is a poor chick's   Lauren Conrad...but there is nothing wrong with that.

33.  AUBREY O'DAY - P freakin' Diddy made her well known.  Making the Band should have been titled Making the Skeeze.

32.  SAMMI SWEETHEART - Her best line of all-time was in last week's Jersey Shore in response to her mental fortitude - "I already had balls, honey".  Hmm...gross.

31.  PARIS HILTON - So what if I was a sucker for both of her junky shows - The Simple Life and My New BFF were good...for nothing.  Embarrassing disclaimer: I also thoroughly enjoyed Bromance, but Snooki barely beat out Brody Jenner for purposes of this list.

30.  KELLY ANNE JUDD - From MTV's Real World Sydney - g'day Kelly Anne.

29.  KRYSTALL FORSCUTT - Another Big Brother contestant who slipped through my grasps...and I'm kicking myself.

28.  AMBER BRKICH - I'll admit that I hadn't heard of Amber Brkich until I googled "hot reality tv girl".  Thank you, google.  Btw, she was on some season of Survivor...which one is irrelevant.

27.  SARAH KOZER - Two words: Joe Millionaire.  Three more words: call me, Sarah.

26.  PARVATI SHALLOW - Another Survivor chick.  I think she was on season 32.  If I ever made an All-Survivor team, she'd probably be my captain.

25.  BRITT KOTH - She's from another MTV show that bombed - and yes, it had something to do with the beach...how original.

24.  JESSICA HALL - Apparently she was on Kendra and the directors should have apparently (or definitely) made the show about her.

23.  IRULAN WILSON - She's easily the best looking Irulan I've seen.

22.  CAMILA ALVES - She hosted Bravo's Shear Genius and Matthew McConaughey is shear genius for getting her in his life...and for taking his shirt off every chance he gets.

21.  LO BOSWORTH - She's wins Sunny D's Unsung Hero award for her role on The Hills and that's nothing to scoff at...really, it isn't.

20.   JAIME CHUNG - Another Real Worlder.  Another hottie.  (Enter your own everybody Wang Chung tonight joke here).

19.  STEPHANIE PRATT - Miss Pratt wins Sunny D's Forgotten Hottie on The Hills award.  She also wins the Worst Brother of the Universe award.

18.  CARA ZAVALETA - She appeared on MTV's Road Rules.  Seems fitting...cuz she kinda rules.

17.  HOLLY MADISON - Hugh Hefner is a sick sick sick sick man.

16.  ALI FEDOTOWSKY - I had her pegged as the left winger on the Datsyuk and Zetterberg line.  Nope, she was The Bachelorette somewhere along the line.  The dweeb behind her has the right idea.

15.  TRISHELLE CANNATELLA - Yet another Real Worlder.  How is that show still on?  Why is my DVR set to record it tonight?  

14.  CARRIE UNDERWOOD - Her career began on American Idol and I refuse to make an inappropriate joke about her last name.

13.  HEIDI MONTAG - She wins the Co-Absolute Worst Husband of Reality TV Award.  You could have done so much better, Heidi.  Even Sidney Crosby would have been a step up.

12.  NICOLE SCHERZINGER - She danced with the freakin stars like nobody's business.  But she was
also discovered on a reality show - Popstars.

11.  KRISTIN CAVALLARI - She may be a tad low on this list, but there are only ten spots in the top ten.  And I figured if I make her mad, she has the propensity to start a cat fight...and there's nothing wrong with that.

10.  KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN - She wins the other half of the Co-Absolute Worst Husband of Reality TV Award.

9.  KIM KARDASHIAN - I think a certain part of Kim had its own section on this site...

8.  WHITNEY PORT - A graduate of The Hills, Whitney now owns The City.  And yes, I DVR the heck outta that show too.

7.  SVETLANA SHUSTERMAN - She's so hot, she makes me svet.  Yeah, corny.  Kick rocks.

6.  JOHANNA BOTTA - Imagine being the casting director of The Real World and Road Rules...

5. MALLORY SNYDER - Imagine being the casting director of The Real World and Road Rules...or the SI Swimsuit issue chooser guy - Mallory did it all.

4.  MELISSA RYCROFT - I could have listed her name as Homer Simpson and you wouldn't have noticed.

3.  LAUREN CONRAD - Only #3?  Only #3.

2.  JULIANNE HOUGH - She used to be THE star on DWTS.  A wise man once said, "capeesh".  He also said, "haaave mercy."  Uncle Jesse was the man.

1. AUDRINA PATRIDGE - Audrina wins Sunny D's Hottest Reality TV Chick in a Bikini award.  You could have a show of her doing her daily routine in a bikini and guys would watch.  She should change her name to Bikini.  It fits...very well.

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